We’ve been dating for just about a year now and have had a pretty smooth relationship, save our one big problem: internet gaming. I hate games like WoW and Everquest and he simply can’t get enough. Rather, he’s completely addicted. He’s since quit but now has what we call "attacks" nearly every day. He gets depressed and moody for long periods of time most of the time resulting in a minor argument or me in tears because I’m scared I’ve forced him to change. However, I still stand firm that if he’s addicted he shouldn’t be playing. He doesn’t think he is, but can’t be happy without the stupid game. How can I save us?
I know one year is not long term. However, we’ve already discussed long term plans (i.e. living together, possible proposal, etc). So by long term I mean, we’re going to be together for a long period of time, possibly even till death do us part.
He is actually addicted. I have psychology degree so I’m not just flying by the seat of my pants.
I’m not co-dependent and have plenty of my own hobbies.
He has a large amount of hobbies he has replaced the gaming with. The problem is he still suffers from depression due to this game.
And no, I am not a family marriage therapist. I work with little kids, so this is completely out of my range.
He has to save himself in order to save the relationship. You arent the one with addiction so there is NOTHING you can do do to save the relationship. You have to convince him to get help. Its either your those damn games. Tell him to cut back on his playing time. If he cuts back a little each day then he will eventually stop being addicted. Why dont you both take up a hobby together, that way he isnt playing video games and you two can have time together.
Related posts:
December 29th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Live and let live is always the best answer.
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
He has to save himself in order to save the relationship. You arent the one with addiction so there is NOTHING you can do do to save the relationship. You have to convince him to get help. Its either your those damn games. Tell him to cut back on his playing time. If he cuts back a little each day then he will eventually stop being addicted. Why dont you both take up a hobby together, that way he isnt playing video games and you two can have time together.
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
just come into an agreement with him and tell him that when he is with you dont play those games and when you are NOT there then he can play all he wants…also make him loose his concentration by putting on something sexy..lol. That’s what i do, my bf plays that game also. i know how you feel
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
If the relationship is worth saving – you’ll have to compromise.
Let him play for a specified amount of time each day (to be worked out by you both)
That way, he gets his ‘fix’ and you will know exactly how long he intends to spend on the games.
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
I say just let him play his stupid game, I don’t see any harm in it. I had a boyfriend who was like that, but I just made sure that he took time away to spend with me, and took good care of himself.
Good Luck!
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
A. I don’t consider 1 year a long term relationship…
B. It’s only been a year so if he was playing those games when you met him, then you really have no choice but to accept
C. How old is he? Seems kind of young and childish
D. Find a new guy
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
I hate to disappoint, but a year is not yet a long term relationship…
The issues you’re talking about are HIS issues, not Our issues…
If he cannot see the problem, resolve it on his own, then it is your choice to consider him the wrong mate, or let him be who he is…
Sorry, I know this wasn’t the good news answer you were hoping for…
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Like you bf, i am addicted to comic book, and if i get distracted, i will be mad, so me and my girl decide that i can have a time in day, mostly before sleep or during eatting, i can watch my comic. So just give him some time to play once or twice a week.
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
You’ve only been together one year and you’re not married.
If you can’t accept him the way he is…..it’s ok….it’s just time to leave.
You can only change yourself.
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
you need to replace the gaming with something else, preferably several different things so the addiction isn’t transferred. try this for a while and then grab a holiday together, the idea being that on your return, old habits and routines are not returned to.
although, bear in mind if he has an addictive personality there are many worse things he could be in to
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Let him play his game. You need to let him have his own means of entertainment and escape. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to want to have some limits to the amount of time he spends playing them but, to suggest that he has to completely stop playing muds is not considerate of his desires and feelings. If this is really the only issue in your relationship you should feel blessed. Try to be a bit more compromising about setting a reasonable amount of time for him to have in his life to do with what he wants whether you think it’s worthwhile or not. Addiction (i’m not sure that’s real tho) to video games is inconvenient not life threatening. Video games and technology for our generation(s) is an integrated aspect of our lives (much like your presence here) that has to be put into perspective on its positive influences as well as it’s negative
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Um. If you hate gaming so much, and he loves it so much it’s been a big part of his life, I wonder why you’re together. Gaming is an annoying bf habit, but it isn’t, say, crack. It won’t kill him or maim him or render him impotent. There are safe, reasonable levels of gaming, and it’s a hobby lots of people enjoy. Geek people, but, still, people. Don’t forbid him or monitor him. That’s classic bad gf behavior and it often travels along with nagging, shrieking, and passive aggression. You cannot successfully change people who do not want to be changed. Trust me. I have the tee shirt. Even if he’s wrong about things, being witchy makes you wrong too.
Instead, work on developing interests you can both share. Look into playing a game of your own or getting your own non-geek hobby while he’s online, so you’re not tapping your toe and whining pay attention to meee. It’s healthy for couples to have some separate interests. Make specific plans to ensure you do spend time together. On Tuesdays, he sits at his comuter until three am clacking away while you play canasta or knit sweaters for orphans or watch cable porn or whatever. On Wednesdays you meet for a bike ride after work and have drinks after–with no computer in sight. Or whatever.
It’s hard to tell, just with one perspective, what your relationship is really like, but it sounds like you could both stand to make some changes in the way you approach things.
Good luck.
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
your guy seriously need some professional help. he will not be able to continue this just because of his love for you. online gambling is an addiction just as alcohol or drugs. please encourage him to get help and do not make plans to marry anytime in the future.
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
You can’t expect him to stop completely, us blokes get a real buzz from gaming, but i know where your coming from though.
Right next time he puts it on say in a nice warm voice
"Are you playing Everquest again dear?"
to which he will reply aagghh (which means yes)
You then reply "okay i’m going out to the pub then"
See if this works???
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
get him resistance fall of man for ps3 hey Im completing it for the 3rd time…yeah gaming is addictive get him a game for 2 players a bag of popcorn couple of beers and make an all nighter of it.
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
My husband plays his xbox every night. It doesn’t worry me. He would be utterly bored and then annoying me so its better he stays out of my way so I can muck about on my laptop in peace. You need to find something to occupy you and not rely on his company all the time. Also, you should be able to say that you want time just the two of you doing something together. If he agrees to this, then you can both be happy!
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
you call a year a long term relationship? boy you have a long way to go! it is never easy in any relationship, it takes two to give and take and most importantly …. compromise! just keep on working at things … when you reach ‘long term’ you will be sorted!
References :
December 29th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Long term relationship a year umm ok I think not that is nothing. You have a problem with internet gaming seems to me you need to address normal relationship issues not who is playing what. And he gets annoyed when he cannot play this guy has a dummy as well then ?
Ask him what he really sees as important in his life and if he chooses the game fuck him off what a waster.
References :